I met him when I was six years old. His big, beautiful green eyes pierced deep within my heart. I did not know it was love then, but I fell in love with him at that moment. My mother and his were best friends. We spent summers traveling together. I would stay in his home some summers and his family would come to where we lived. When we became teenagers, our puppy love grew. We would sneak kisses and stay up all night watching movies. We kept our love a secret knowing that our families would not approve. When I went home, he would call me daily and we would talk for hours. For the next several years, we would write and send gifts to one another.

Then college came and I let go of him. I thought he did not really have the same feelings that I had. I had to grow up and move on. Years later, we both had experienced serious relationships which had ended. His relationship left him with a son. However, when we found each other again it was like heaven had opened up its doors. In a matter of just a few months, I quit my job, moved to his state and we were married.

It was wonderful. I was the happiest I have ever been in my life. We did have one problem. The mother of his child. She made life very difficult for us. She spent the next five years taking us to family court. My husband promised that he would not let her destroy what we had. This woman accused us of hurting her child, trying to kill her, would harass us by sending the police to our home, calls to my job, and would deny my husband his legal right to see his son. Oh, and lets not forget the fight for more child support money. My husband even spent one year without seeing his son due to these allegations.

We fought for years and the truth always came out. I finally felt like we were going to be able to afford to buy a home and begin our own family. My husband promised me that we would never let anything or anymore come between us. We came home from a Christmas trip were we went to visit my family, we were in the process of buying a new home and life was great.

My now ex-husband called me and told me, he wanted a divorce. No explanations. I was shocked, confused, angry and in denial. Two months later I signed the divorce papers, and we were divorced in less than four months. I begged him to tell me why, to work it out. He refused. I then asked that we remain friends for the sake of our families and instead he decided that he never wanted to see or speak to me again. I had nowhere to go, ended up living with his mother for a year until I bought a place. During the divorce I did not ask for anything. I did want him to pay half of our outstanding bills. He paid some but left me with some. I still don't know what happened. Its been over a year, all I know is that I feel betrayed by the man that promised to love me forever.

Oh, by the way, I neglected to tell you that he moved in with another woman as soon as our divorce was final. I guess, I do know what happened. Betrayal.

The Institution

Marriage is an institution
Does it offer education?
Is it an institution of mental health?
Is it a prison?
Is divorce a release?
Is it freedom?

Marriage is an institution.
Yes, it is.
Will it kill you
Drive you crazy
Will it take you to prison.

Marriage is an institution.
Is it?
It is.
You need divorce to be free
Free from the Institution!

Life

As I see your smile my life begins
to know you are here with me
my heart sings
to hold you tight
beneath my breath
To know your smile is to know death.

My heart has died since you left
Your love is all I need
Survive
I will until your smile comes to me once again

To know life and death
Love with every breath
To know that until your return
Your smile will bring me life

Lonely

Only the lonely feel alone
Alone with so many people around them
Alone with the fake smiles
Alone in conversation
Alone within

Within is the key
the key to you
to love
love
love

The key to to being alone

Free

The idea is to be free
Freedom from all pain
Free just like rain
when all is lost find it through pain
Pain is found when love is lost
Love is found when pain is there
Freedom from all that we share
Freedom is so rare